"Sticks and stones can hurt your bones but names will never harm you.” NO!
Like many of you, I grew up hearing this, but know that it is not true. We all have experienced the destructive power of negative words, but rarely understand how they can impact our lives and keep us stuck.
In fact, as I was recalling the other day, when I was about 16, a boy I had a big crush on told me: “it’s too bad you aren’t pretty, but you are interesting looking”. That stuck with me for years and sometimes rears its ugly head even now. My brilliant writer friend, whose father always rewrote her school papers, still can revert to thinking she is not good enough even though she has received numerous accolades for her writing skills, and a client of mine, who was bullied as a child, still feels that he is unattractive and “fat”.
According to an article in Psychology Today, “Martin Teicher M.D., Ph.D. and others have shown that there are physical and emotional consequences of “just” verbal abuse. In one study, the researchers found that the effects of parental verbal aggression were comparable to “those associated witnessing domestic violence or nonfamilial sexual abuse.” In fact, verbal aggression produced larger effects than familial physical abuse. There’s evidence too that exposure to verbal abuse in childhood actually alters the structure of the brain.”
The good news is there are ways we are able to rewire our brains and break the cycle of negative self talk. Over time you can replace the negative programming with one that is more useful. It is important to be able to acknowledge yourself as valuable and then treat yourself accordingly. it does not serve you to have a small limited view of yourself. It is impossible to create the life you want if you are always feeling “less than”.
Here are some tips on how to begin (know that you may require the guidance of a coach or therapist depending on how much verbal abuse you have experienced):
Notice the negative self talk as it comes up.
Become aware of how it makes you feel. Where do you feel it in your body?
Is this helping you move into the future that you desire?
If the answer is no, tap your third eye (area between the brows) and say “Cancel Clear”- imagine the thought dissolving.
Now replace the thought with one thing that is more positive using an I AM statement (for example moving from “I cannot write” to “I AM a good writer”)
Visualize your future with this new belief as a reality.
Until next time,
Barbara