Today would be my sister Sandi’s birthday. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that she is not 24 - the age she was when she died.
When she died I was 6 weeks pregnant and was warned not to mourn her too deeply because it could hurt my baby. I believed them because part of me was not ready to deal with the enormous grief I was feeling.
And as I wrote about in The Joy of Ritual, it was not until I was in a workshop with my teacher Brugh Joy in Arizona, did I discover the healing power of ritual. During a 7 day retreat with a period of silence and fasting, I hiked up a mountain until I spotted a beautiful large tree. I dug a hole near the tree so that I could literally pour my grief - my tears - into it. In this place I finally felt free to express my emotions and pent up sadness. I felt comfortable talking to Sandi. I told her how much I missed her, that I was sad she never got to meet Jourdan, how sorry I was for not being able to really say goodbye, and how I longed for a relationship that her death cut short. The more I spoke, the harder I cried and I rocked back and forth as I poured out all my pain into the earth. After some time I knew it was over and closed up the hole in the earth.
For the first time in years I felt lighter and knew that participating in this ritual changed me on a cellular level.
This is why I am so passionate about rituals. As my friend Dumisani Kumalo once said to me, “rituals are the language of the soul.”
I want to encourage anyone who is feeling anxious and grieving to consider creating a ritual, or reaching out for guidance to help you.
Make time to grieve
Make time to connect to the Earth
Make time for friends and family
Make time to be gentle with yourself
Make time to listen to your wise inner voice
Many Blessings,
Barbara