As I write this newsletter it is 90 degrees in NYC. We are social distancing and wearing masks, beaches have finally opened, restaurants are spilling into the streets, and the city is beginning to feel “more normal.“ Yet, under the surface you can feel frustration, confusion and a sizzling feeling of anxiety.
Many people, women and girls especially, have been conditioned to believe it's not "nice" to express anger. Consequently, we hold in our rage, often turning it against ourselves. Repressed anger breeds illness and turns us into a time bomb waiting to explode. At the opposite extreme are those who let their emotions build up and allow the pressures of old anger and resentment build to volcanic eruptions of white-hot rage. Such people go postal over seemingly insignificant incidents, and we wonder what possessed them.
Contemporary research confirms that when you can actually name a disturbing emotion the level of intensity goes down in your brain. So, I recommend you get in the habit of naming how you are feeling. Are you frustrated, pissed off, resentful, powerless, irritated, or enraged?
According to top psychologists, careful labeling of emotions enables us to regulate the emotion. In other words, if the angry emotion is “rage” or “frustration”— labeling it causes the rage and frustration to settle down, rather than expand. As we learn to label our emotions honestly this quiets down the emotional pain centers of the brain (Amygdala) and can connect us to the prefrontal cortex (executive rational brain). This is also the part of the brain that socializes and connects to others. So, not only do we feel better when we label our emotions, we make better decisions, and reach out to others in a more collaborative way.
Here is one of my favorite Rituals to Break UP with your Anger
Step One:
Write down all your angry thoughts and feelings on an inexpensive dinner plate with an indelible Sharpie. Take your time and if necessary, use the front and back of the plate.
Step Two:
When you’re complete, place the plate in a heavy garbage bag and close it securely.
Step Three:
Get a hammer and smash the heck out of the plate. The goal is to hear the once stagnant rigid energy breaking up into pieces.
Step Four:
When you’re done, throw the plate away and immediately take it to the garbage bin outside of your home.
Caution: Make sure you have something under the plate if you are doing this inside your home. I once broke my hardwood floor doing this ritual, so now I put a towel, a tile and a wooden block under the plate to be smashed. If you can go outside, even better.
Step Five: Spray my Space Spray to complete the ritual. If you don’t have any, use sage or copal.
TRY MIXING MY SPRAYS IN YOUR HAND SANITIZER…….THEY WILL MAKE IT SMELL FABULOUS AND GIVE YOU AN EXTRA BOOST.
Many Blessings,
Barbara